For This Season

{vending machine christianity}

This weekend, I got to spend some time with some dear friends (PLEASE do not let David read this Christy, I would not want him to think I like him or anything!)  It just so happened they used to pastor our previous church.  Then, he had to leave to go work for the Arkansas Baptist State Convention and move his sweet little family far away from us.  Noah was totally devasted - can you tell I'm over it?  ;) 

Tonight we had a small discussion (because we had a total of six children playing in the midst of us) on what I refer to as vending-machine prayer - a term that may have actually been coined by David's father, who is also a pastor. 

For anyone who knows us....Scott and I have had an amazing life together, however, clouds have never been far from our horizon.   I will not even mention the aspects of "life" that occurred before we even met.   But, soon after saying our "I do's" we had a few bumps in our road.   And, because I've written about this before, I will highlight our bumps of - years and years of infertility and treatments, five miscarriages, terminal illnesses of family members, sudden deaths of family members, failed adoptions, rule outs for life threatening illnesses for Noah, Noah coding after a tonsillectomy, a major vehicle accident, brain tumor, kidney disorder - I'll stop there.  There have been alot of highs and alot of lows. 

It seems that at the beginning of every new year, I plead for the next year to be a little easier.  Because it terrifies me that it could be worse.  Lately, we've had to have alot of discussions with Noah regarding "why God allowed Daddy to be hit by that truck."  We don't have the answers and to a six-year-old that can produce extreme frustration.   Noah's latest inquiry ended with the fact that it's just not fair.  Life is not fair.   I realize that Noah is beginning to "get" the impact of the devasation the accident has left.   Much of which goes unnoticed by the outside world.  I have desperately tried to explain to him that accidents and health issues are not experienced by everyone out there, that yes, it seems like he does have to deal with more than he should as a result.  However, there are many, many families who have to deal with alot more than we do.  Alot more.   I feel so guilty on so many days that I even have the thoughts of feeling overwhelmed, that I even get frustrated or even angry.  But, in reality - our situation is not made better by my guilt, my fears are not lessened, the pain I feel for my boys is not diminished.  The four of us are here in the middle of it daily.   This is the life that God has given us.

During the days of the infertility, I struggled ALOT.  I also received alot of well-intended counsel - some of which was very well-thought out, other that probably wasn't.  I remember one night being overwhelmed with all of the "advice" I was getting.  Pray this way, relax, increase your faith, make certain you are not carrying around hidden sin....the list could literally go on and on.  Well, I had been on my knees throughout.  Scott was very much on his knees.  One night, as I was extremely broken by some advice that had "come our way" I called my Uncle Paul.  Not really my uncle by blood, but definitely by heart.  David that I had mentioned earlier, it was his dad.  Paul had been a part of mine and Scott's lifes seperately as we grew up as he knew both families.  He had married us and been a great advisor to us through many of the trials we had exprienced.  One night I called him in complete pain and tears, because I was confused.  I had so many people telling me to have enough faith - and we would have that baby, to pray hard enough and I wouldn't miscarry, etc.  I was broken that night.  Not because I was confused regarding God, but, simply the advice everyone was giving me.  Yes, we wanted a child immensely, but, we were also very confident in God's plan and His timing.  He explained to me that night that yes, bad things do happen.  Do we understand it all?  Never.  He went on to explain, there is no perfect prayer, no combination on the vending machine to get the answer we want......it all falls back to that relationship with God.  Not that of what we do, but, what He does.  Those words have carried me alot through the years.   

I still find myself wondering how the entire prayer process works.  I've accepted that I will never understand it.  But, that's okay, because I trust Him and His wisdom.  God has allowed the events to occur in our life and they could have been worse.....or they could not have been at all.   Sometimes, I truly think my prayers are for ME.  So, my heart will change, my thinking change, that my heart will soften to allow acceptance.  He does care about me.  He cares about the insignificant and the significant.  It all matters.  But, no perfect prayer or perfectly sequenced "vending code" will produce the "treat" I want. 

So, I tell Noah that we will still pray for Daddy.  We will still pray for his kidneys.  We will still pray for the little things and the big things. Because they DO matter.... to us and to Him.  I remind him of the miracle he is to us as well as his brother.   I have learned much about me through our "bumpy" ride as well as Him.  He does answer.  Maybe not with what we are longing for from the "vending machine", but, it's always something better.  I am still 100% confident that Scott can get better.  It's not what the doctors say, but, I know it with everything I am. 

So, 2008 - I pray, will be an eventful year for our family.  I need to focus more on the "little events" of our daily life and not worry so much about what may or may not happen.  God will take care of us.  I pray that this challenge will prove to be a positive catalyst for Noah's way of looking at "life" and not a negative.   Little Evan is just going with the flow, he's okay. ;)  I pray that when I have a friend who is truly hurting, that my words are carefully thought out before I attempt to even utter a word of advice.  I pray that I never approach God as a personal vending machine, that I cultivate my relationship with him in the deepest manner.   

{girlfriends}

well, there's not much better than true friends.  Well, maybe the 17 cookies I ate last night.  I actually made it to our SS Cookie Exchange, albeit late.  Once again, I was reminded how truly, truly special friendships are - even those that are somewhat new.  I was utterly shocked with a gift they presented me - actually, I am still rather speechless.  It was thoughtful, and generous, and totally unexpected.   At this period of my life, I feel totally slacking in the "being a good friend" department - but, even last night reminded me that even in the extreme chaos of my days - I can still make someone smile (or even better, cry, like they made me).  I'm not certain how I can ever express an appropriate thank you - especially to the poor soul that will watch my boys for my relaxing day to come - but, it was truly one of the most thoughtful surprises I have ever had in my life.  From last years Christmas Tree surprise, to continual unexpected cards received in the mail and last night......what a blessing friends can be and how much better can they make a rather bleak day so much brighter!  Thank you girls!  (ok, I know that only one of you will likely read this;)  I just cannot tell you how much last night meant - even though my stammering thank you was not near enough!  I just wish I could take each of you with me!!!! XOXOXOXO 

A Must See

I just watched something tonight that every home should have - The Case for Christ.  It spoke to my love of science as well as "evidence" that I deal with on a daily basis with work. I had read the book, but, I picked up the documentary a few days ago.  Wow.  It was very compelling to see the facts presented as they were.   Amazingly simple - but, to hear everything on such a scientific basis made such an impact.  Some of it I knew, but, much of it I did not.  The Author, Lee Strobel, is very authentic and comes across quite well.  There were several "ah-hah" moments for me.  There is no hype and both sides are presented.  Believe me, if I were walking into the courtroom - I would definitely want to be on the Christian side - the weight is clearly there.

Again, just wanted to recommend this - as it is a great resource for anyone and is a great witnessing tool.  Just my two cents - but, please rush out to buy this one!!

Addendum:  for clarification on the above statement re: the courtroom, which I will obviously keep in this post - I still stand by. Both sides were presented by the way in which the content disputed other arguments. Prior to viewing this, I was aware of many of the arguments by those who do not believe and in addition with what I viewed, I feel like there is a definite preponderance of evidence in that He is who we as Christians believe him to be.  The film is definitely not a stand alone - but, again, I recommend it to believers and non-believers alike. And, then would encourage both to do their own investigation.  My comment below will be my last regarding this issue.  It was a recommendation that I will stand by - with all due respect. :) 

Today's Devotional

Wow....that's all I can say.... this is so true!  Again, borrowed from my devotional site, Crosswalk.  Just thought I'd share.

July 5, 2007

False Advertisement

By Micca Campbell

“So clean house! Make a clean sweep of malice and pretense, envy and hurtful talk. You’ve had a taste of God. Now, like infants at the breast, drink deep of God’s pure kindness. Then you’ll grow up mature and whole in God.”

1 Peter 2:1-3

Devotion:

My youngest son loves chocolate milk. He doesn’t just love any kind of chocolate milk. It has to be made with Hershey’s chocolate syrup. One day as I stood stirring the syrup into a tall glass of milk, I noticed that the label read “Genuine Artificial Flavor.” I was shocked! What appeared to be real, looked real, and tasted real, was actually artificial! As I stood with my mouth hanging open in disbelief, I felt cheated, mislead, and deceived. Finally, I was able to speak out loud: “This is false advertisement!”

Earlier that morning, I had read today’s key verse. "So clean house! Make a clean sweep of malice and pretense, envy and hurtful talk. You've had a taste of God. Now, like infants at the breast, drink deep of God's pure kindness. Then you'll grow up mature and whole in God." At the time, the scripture didn’t seem to have much impact, but now the Holy Spirit was using the incident with the chocolate milk to speak to my heart.

As Christians I wonder how often we display false advertisement in place of genuine faith. Instead of feasting on God’s Word until it brings about real change in our lives, we taste just enough of God to pretend that our faith is genuine. We might know the right words to say, have memorized some key verses, and can even pray a prayer that is convincing to others, but inside we can’t convince ourselves that our faith is real.

Eventually, we won’t be able to persuade others either. How often do you and I fuss and fight with our families on Sunday mornings from the time we get up until we pull into the church parking lot? Isn’t it strange how the feuding stops there? It’s as if Satan jumps out of the car once we’re at church allowing us to return to our normally kind selves. Who are we fooling? Shouldn’t we be the same at home as we are at church?

What about gossip? Pretending to build one another up in love, we camouflage gossip with prayer. “Did you hear about sister so-and-so? We need to pray for her. I heard that…”

I don’t know about you, but I’ve stood guilty many times. That’s why the Holy Spirit brought me back to our key verse. Each phrase of it motivates me. I need to examine myself for symptoms of malice, pretense, envy, and hurtful talk. I need to stay close to God and become a mature Christian in His eyes and an authentic Christian to others. I don’t want my life to be a false advertisement for Christ, and neither do you. 

God never meant for you or me to pretend. Genuine faith is real. It comes as we feast on God’s Word and learn how to apply His ways to everyday living. It’s a faith that should be recognized by a changed life that others can see as well in our actions, our speech, and our works. Genuine faith is our best advertisement for Christ. Let’s be intentional about it.

Dear Lord, Search me for any signs of malice, pretense, envy or hurtful talk. Then, Lord, lead me in Your righteous ways. Make my faith strong and genuine so that I can be a faithful witness. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

 

A Crosswalk Devotion

Borrowed from my favorite devotional site - Crosswalk.  Just what I needed........

June 27, 2007

A Rock that Is Higher

By Van Walton

“From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint;
         Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Psalm 61:2 (NASB)

         

Devotion:

Do you ever allow others’ dispositions to dictate your mood? I do. I believe most women allow themselves to become preoccupied when they perceive that a member of their household seems overly… well just not “with it” for some reason.

If my son is struggling with his grades, I struggle. Listening to his brother describe his life’s challenges, I take on the burden. When my husband is under stress, I stress out.

I recall my dad’s long illness. Life literally came to a halt for me. How could I go about my daily routine when Daddy was suffering so? I simply could not function knowing his condition. Initially the details of his failing health overwhelmed me. Slowly sadness consumed me. Eventually my preoccupation with Daddy’s deterioration paralyzed me. I lost my ability to function.

I know God commands us to bear each others’ burdens. The problem with me is that I don’t stop at “bear.” I carry my concerns to extremes. I feel like a traitor if I ignore difficult issues being faced by the ones I love. I feel I need to be in mourning, wearing black, dragging myself and everyone around me into my grieving experience.

Misery loves company, right? However, God’s Word commands us to rejoice in all things! Where’s the balance? 

Recently I caught my husband being overly pensive. It concerned me. That Sunday morning he remained extraordinarily quiet. I tried to justify his silence - He has been coughing. Maybe he’s getting sick. Yet he assured me all was well. On the way to church I sensed tenseness in the air between us. I wondered, Is it something I have done? I thought, Maybe he isn’t telling me because it is way more serious than I can handle. Quickly I sent up a prayer. But I have to admit that when we parked the car, I parked my thoughts on worry. In church he leaned forward and placed his head in his hands. My upward climb toward a meaningful worship experience came to a halt.

With a momentous note the piano brought the congregation to life, while the worship director motioned for us to all stand. In one accord the congregation collectively pierced the room with a song of praise. I looked up to my husband, seeking assurance that all was well. Before my eyes found his face, God interrupted my contemplations by reminding me of a childhood experience.

The children in my neighborhood would hike up into the surrounding hills. We’d spend the week discussing last Saturday’s hike. While making plans to explore mountain tops and peaks, we challenged ourselves to higher goals and longer hikes. Each Saturday morning we pointed out a spot far in the distance and made that our destination. Inevitably, when we arrived at our spot, we agreed to move higher. There was always a place ahead, higher still.

God reminded me that Sunday morning as I looked up at my tall husband for strength, assurance, and comfort, that I had not focused on a high enough place.

My husband is powerful, confident, and secure, but I place too many expectations on him! When he exhibits signs of instability, I lose my footing! I know this is not my heavenly Father’s plan.

With sounds of worship all around, God grabbed my attention. I heard Him say, “Don’t stop here. There is a place that is higher…” With a deep sense of comfort, I joined the congregation with songs of praise for the One who is higher than I. He is God, the Almighty who sits on His throne. He is the one who has compassion on my worldly circumstances, understands my moody moments, and is able to take control of my confusions. He is my goal, the direction I need to take, and the face I need to seek.

Dear Lord, I am guilty of allowing the things of earth, my family, preoccupations, challenges, and struggles to get in the way of my climb to the ultimate high. You are the place I want to go. Keep me moving until I reach You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Bubbles

Another Devotional borrowed from Crosswalk...it spoke clearly to me - I hope it does you -

May 30, 2007

When the Bubbles Pop

By Joanne Sampl, She Speaks Graduate

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” (Hebrews 10:35 NIV)

         

Devotion:

It’s a childish thing to do, but I still love to blow bubbles. I keep a bottle or two of that sticky, soapy, messy stuff with the plastic wand in the kitchen pantry near the back door. I even have a bottle in my minivan for those unplanned stops at the park.

Just like the bubbles drift away as I blow them, my mind drifts away watching them. I study them closely. Each one is a different size but they each reflect the colors of the rainbow. Some pop quickly while others linger and dance in the breeze. Some bubbles leave the wand with several bubble friends, while others start alone and end alone. Depending on how slow or forceful I breathe, I can try to create more or less bubbles at a time. However, I am constantly aware that even though my breath is important to starting a bubble, I have no idea where it will end up or how long it will last. I can only watch and see what happens.

Recently, I received devastating news. The shock and stages of grief are still wafting over me. Instinctively, I pulled out my bottle of bubbles and headed to the park. I was eager for my mind to drift away from my circumstances. The first bubbles were the hardest to blow that day. I barely had breath to exhale through my tears. “Keep trying. Keep blowing,” my mind coached me that day. Or, was it God’s voice coaching me?

The principles of blowing bubbles seem to apply to so many circumstances in life. “Keep trying. Keep blowing.” These words are another way to express the principles of 1 Timothy 4:15-16: “Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.” (NIV)

I am still trying to see the colors of the rainbow in my situation. God keeps His promises (Gen

9:16

) because He loves us with an everlasting love. I realize that no matter how long things last, I get to appreciate them. I get to notice the uniqueness of each person I meet, each friend I have, and each child I raised. I have no idea where any of them will end up, but I am grateful to be part of their “dance in the breeze.”

And, when the bubbles of life pop, I get to take another breath and start again.

Dear Lord, you breathed life into me first and now I pray every breath I have gives you glory and honor. You are the Creator, and all things start and end with You. Give me your eyes to appreciate those around me, your strength to keep going through my circumstances, and your breath of hope to share with others. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Related Resources:

Breathe by Keri Wyatt Kent

She Speaks conference

Do You Know Him?

Application Steps: 

Simplify your life so you can have time to meet with God through studying the Bible and prayer. Then talk to God about the areas in your life where you are struggling to have hope and confidence in Him to work things out as He sees fit.

Reflections: 

What circumstances in your life does God want you to keep your eyes on what He is doing around you?

What makes you dance in the breeze?

Power Verses:

Psalm 31:24, “Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.” (NIV)

Psalm 71:14-15, “But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure.” (NIV)

2 Corinthians 5:17-18, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (NIV)

Blooming......

I just read a quote from another blog site - precious Sara....it was simple, but hugely substantive.....

"Bloom where you are planted."

How huge is that?  It spoke right to my heart, in so many ways.  What would happen if we would all allow God to grow us in the here and now.  Not trying to get to a newer, prettier planter or richer, more nutrient soil.  But, here...right now.  Whether we are in a red clay pot or in the middle of a cow pasture or on the side of a road.  What would happen if we allowed Him to grow us instead of reaching for the fertilizer ourselves?  Or, myself in particular.  Because, as my track record speaks for itself - I am known and prone to accidently grab the Round-Up instead of the Miracle Grow. 

   

Quietness can be Quiet Loud

I'm telling you...it's all about those small things.  This morning after dropping the boys off at school I decided to do something a absolutely DETEST.  So, before I could change my mind - I laced up my walking shoes. 

Not that I have much time to do anything extra today between the school commutes, Scott's MD appt, WORK and t-ball practice.  But, that is my life in this season - so, I have to make the time.  I have been feeling so poorly lately - extremely sluggish and tired.  My diet is a wreck, my exercise is non-existent. 

So, I go to load my CD player with some walking tunes and there it flashed LOW BATTERY!  We have 1,097 AAA's but not one AA.   Not such a happy camper - that music motivates me.  So, I tredged out in the silence of the farm.  Anything but!   I actually soaked in the tunes that God designed for me....for us....several variations of birds singing, puppies barking and squealing, squirrels rustling in the leaves and trees, cow and baby calves mooing.......it was absolutely beautiful.  He most definitely deserves a Grammy!